I filled out on my organ donor card that I wished my body to be donated to Hostess foods after my death. I was hoping to donate my body to Kellog's, but the man at the desk in the Secretary of State's office told me that Kellog's was oversupplied, and they would not be needing further corpses for many years. I was not going to settle for NabisCo, though. I demanded a high quality company to use my remains. So Hostess it was.
The small card given to me by the man at the desk in the Secretary of State's office outlined the organ donor plan. Upon my death, after autospies and other such formalities, my body would be delivered to the Hostess company. They would, in turn, use my remains in the products as seen fit by my Organ Donor Allocation Examination (ODAE).
The ODAE, based upon the replies I gave, deduced that my body and personality type were best suited for Cream Filling (Non Reduced-Fat). This was a relief. My uncle told me Cream Filling is a great score; he said he was lucky enough to even score a Spongy Residue Found on Packing Materials on his ODAE.
So I was to be cream filling in my next life. This was uplifting news, but I still felt tinges of depression. Had I been able to donate to Kellog's, there would have been the possibility I could be Pop Tart filling. But then again, I've always been one to see the glass half-empty.
I wondered what Hostess product I would find myself in. Twinkies would be nice; there's nothing like being the big fish in a small pond. But with my luck, I'll probably end up in Ho-Hos or King Dons.
------written May 2000------