TWO MEN DEMONSTRATING POOR MANNERS TO A CO-WORKER IN THE OFFICEPLACE, PART ONE
MILD CONFUSION IN A SUBURBAN HOME
MAN1: Hello, I think you dropped this at my Bar Mitzvah.
MAN2: No, I didn't, and I don't know you.
MAN1: Oh, yes you do. Otherwise, why would I invite you to my Bar Mitzvah?
MAN2: I don't know, it's your Bar Mitzvah.
MAN1: Well, how about soup?
MAN2: No.
BOY: So what do you want to do today, Dog?
DOG: ....
BOY: Do you want to go for a walk?
DOG: ....
BOY: I was playing jacks the other day. I'm not very good.
DOG: ....
BOY: I'm not allowed to stay up after nine.
DOG: grrr....
MAN1: I borrowed a man's comb once and never returned it.
MAN2: I once did that with a tire iron and my hamster.
MAN1: Well, once I did as well, but....
MAN3: Excuse me! I was talking here, you know!
MAN1: Shut up, Ramsbladder. No one cares about you.
MAN2: Yes, that's right! No one cares about you, you seething pile of goat snot.
MAN3: Barbara Walters! Take me away!
MAN1 & 2: Schlup...schlup...schlup....
MAN3: Mr. Stir-Fry Camel! Save me!
MAN 1 & 2: Schlup...schlup...schlup....
MAN3: ARRRR-RRGH! ....fizzlebottle.... <disintegrates>
MAN1 & 2: Heh, heh heh....
MAN2: Now, as you were saying....
FATHER: Dear, have you seen the pornography?
MOTHER (in other room): I'm sorry dear, the what?
FATHER: The pornography!
MOTHER: Do you mean the hardcore?
FATHER: Yes!
MOTHER: No, I haven't seen it. Have you looked in the cupboard?
FATHER: Yes! Wait- which one?
MOTHER: Above the blender. Next to the moulie.
FATHER: Hmm...no... Not here. This is just soft porn.
MOTHER: How about the broom closet?
FATHER: I looked there already. Damn.
MOTHER: Well, dear, I'd love to help you, but I'm a bit busy with my T.V. guide right now. Why don't you ask Theo if he's seen it?
FATHER: That's a good idea. Theodore!
THEO: Yeah, pop?
FATHER: Have you seen the pornography?
THEO: The what? Oh, yeah, I was borrowing it the other night. Sorry. I'll go get it. <Runs up stairs>
FATHER: Ahh.... Thank god.
THEO: Yeah, here it is.
FATHER: No, no, no.... I mean the gay one. The one I shot in Finland.
THEO: Wow, pop, no, I don't have it. I didn't know we had gay porn!
FATHER: Why, of course we do, son! This is America!
THEO: Golly.
FATHER: So, you haven't seen it?
THEO: Jeepers, no, pop.
FATHER: Well, keep an eye out for it, son. By the way, how's that throwing arm?
THEO: Doing great, dad!
FATHER: Good, good. Just in time for little league! <rubbing hands
eagerly>
------written Fall 1998------